When is indulgence wicked? Is it ever? Or is that just a story we tell ourselves? Why would we ever keep ourselves at the extreme edges of the indulgence bell curve? The sides of not caring for yourself or splurging to the point where it hurts you. Where is that happy medium where you convey to yourself that you matter?

My mom might kill me for sharing this story…I'm doing it anyway😊 (love you mom!)

When I was little we didn't have a car. It was almost like a way of life for my parents. In fact, when my mom went into labor with my oldest brother, she and my dad lived in backwoods Pennsylvania. They BOTH walked 2 miles to the nearest neighbor, woke him up in middle of the night and asked for a ride to the hospital.

I remember when we finally got a car. I had 4 brothers and sisters (and 2 parents). That's enough to make a circus act! Our little blue car was a 4-seater Honda Civic. It was tight with an infant in a car seat, 1 toddler, 3 older kids and 2 parents. Shotgun was the most glorious and roomy seat in the car!

We loved that car and cared for it. We moved from Alaska to Lake Tahoe, California. PS…don't take a smelly sourdough starter kit on a 6-day trek with your circus family and try to cross into California. They will stop and search your vehicle!

We had lived in Tahoe for a little bit when one Saturday my mom planned a day trip and we all went to the beach. We had an old metal BBQ, beach gear, 7 clowns (I mean people) - and we were going to have a blast. And we did! Until…it came time to leave. No one wanted to go. My parents had different ideas of how to pack the car and the kids were not cooperating.

In one quick, irritated swoosh, my mom closed the hatchback on the car. The BBQ was sticking too far up in the back and it went right through the window, shattering the back window of our beautiful car. This felt like the world was going to end. I remember all of us kids sitting on the hot curb in our swim trucks, unsure of what to do. My dad walked down to the beach to breathe and my mom cried and cleaned up the mess.

After that, our car deteriorated and we weren't able to replace the window. We didn't have it much longer and had other cars on and off during the years.

I remember this one particular moment that had a huge impact on me. It was a moment I realized that I had to work so incredibly hard, and give every ounce of energy in my body to survive. I had to sacrifice so my family would have their basic needs. One day, I was riding the school bus home and we drove past my mom. She was walking uphill, on the sidewalk, about a mile from our house. She had two armloads of heavy groceries dangling from each arm. I was embarrassed. The other kids saw her and made fun of her. I didn't know what to do. Do I help her? Do I leave her to do it on her own and save my own embarrassment? Now, I wish I had helped her. But I got off the bus and I didn't. I just decided I would never be embarrassed like that and went home. I left her to carry this heavy load all on her own. My decision…I would always have a car and avoid embarrassment.



Fast forward to my own adulthood. I had followed my mom's example. I didn't spend money on myself. I always gave and gave and never allowed myself to find the things I loved to do, eat, and enjoy.

I had an old Toyota Corolla that I drove around for years. It was fine. It had a back window and no holes in the seats. It was clean and smelled like candles ;)

My husband came in one day and informed me that since I wouldn't buy a new car that he was going to do it. He searched and found an amazingly beautiful new car. I chose the color and he listened and pried my desires out of me. When it was delivered, I cried. The feeling of appreciating yourself is intoxicating!

As I've grown I have realized that self-love is not wicked indulgence.

The stories that I made up when I was younger, of hard work and focusing on everyone except myself were to protect me and my ego. Pain doesn't feel good. This was my way of making sure my world would still safely exist. Remembering the moments that made ME doesn't mean I have to re-live them. It simply means that I need to appreciate, learn and grow from them.

Me holding back has never benefited anyone. Now, when I do something I feel will expand me, everyone benefits. My growth and self-care create a wave of unstoppable energy.

We are all learning and growing together. Next time you give yourself some love, enjoy it in its entirety. You are love, you are loved and you're worth it!

Love, Georgia.